Friday, June 6, 2008

The Mirror

It can be your friend, or it can be your enemy. Since I have been home it is defiantly my enemy! I keep thinking, what is your problem? True, I almost died in flight. OK, that is an exaggeration, but it felt like it, then I had a really bad cold and let's not forget jet lag. But the mirror does something else, it shows you the truth. I am a little overwhelmed and a bit depressed. I think I have mentioned it before but I am proned to depression usually when I am overwhelmed. I give it the good fight, but sometimes....
The fact is in my perfect world I would not have to worry about finding a job. I would be a stay at home mom, be there for my family and focus on Hug Away. That is my dream. But the truth is I need to work. So I pray God will guide my step's toward the job I am suppose to have.
I have prayed for guidance and would do whatever God ask me to do, but I have not had that question answered yet. So I sit, try not to worry, but I do, shame on me. The christian in me knows that if I let God have it all, things will work out. But the human in me is so afraid of "missing" where He leads me I make it much harder on myself than it should be.
So this is me. A christian trying to be the best she can be, but who still doubt's herself and once in a while falls down. But just so you know, when I fall down I stay there for a while before God. That is when I feel closest to Him.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:18

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