Monday, October 29, 2012

The Good Fight

What would you do if everything you believed in, everything you thought was true and real, all that was good was yanked out from under you in a heartbeat? Would you give up? Would you get mad? Would you fight?

And what if the bad that happened came out of left field? You never had a clue? None. That makes it worse. There was no time to prepare yourself. It's kind of like someone came running up behind you at mach speed and knocking you down. hard. real hard. There you are just laying there and you can't believe it happened. DENIAL. Then your heart breaks. GRIEF. Then you get MAD. Anger. Then you pray. PEACE.
A peace beyond all understanding.
Now you stand back up. You put on the armor of Christ. And you prepare for battle.You fight the good fight. If God is for us who can stand against us? No One! The No one's ever wins.
No Ones can be people, addictions, depression, burn out, thoughts,Satan ( the king of no one's)  All this to say if you are in a bad place right now there is only one who can pull you out and prepare you for battle and that is Jesus Christ.
He died for us, He loves us, He forgives us and He will empower us and be with us as we fight our battle.I am not a religious nut or a bible thumper. I am a believer plain and simple. I put my faith in Him alone.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Top 10 ways to destroy a child in a Divorce or Custody case.

I found this article and decided to post it because if it will stop one parent from doing this to their child/children it is worth it. The sad thing is the children aren't getting a divorce their parents are. They still love their mom and dad and when they are made pawns they are the ones that grow up with trust issues, relationship issues and often blame themselves. I don't see how anyone could do this to a child especially one they claim to love.


If you have practiced family law any amount of time, you will marvel at the ingenuity of parents and other family members in devising ways to warp, hurt, demoralize and destroy children.
Here are some of the most effective:
  1. Use the children as pawns. Trash the non-custodial parent’s mail to the child, or hide birthday or Christmas presents. Use denial of visitation or contact as a tool to retaliate. Then tell the child it’s all the other parent’s fault.
  2. Use the children as spies. Nobody makes as good a spy as an insider. So what if it puts the children in the middle, or makes them feel like traitors, or makes them choose sides. As long as I get what I want, what does it matter, right?
  3. Deny the other parent access to the children. Very effective, especially when coupled with exagerrated or false claims of physical or sexual abuse. Utilized long enough, this tactic can completely estrange the children from the non-custodial parent. This ploy is so effective that children who grow into adults having experienced it often enjoy years of counselling.
  4. Make the children feel guilty for loving the other parent. This one is guaranteed to create maximum warpage. “Who do you love the most, me or mommy?” Some parents even punish the child for a “wrong” answer.
  5. Use the children as messengers. Mommy and daddy won’t talk to each other like adults, so the child is given notes, medical bills, school records, and so on. This is an effective way to put the children right in the middle, and to let them in on adult concerns. Gives them something more to worry about, and shifts the responsibility off of the parents.
  6. Criticize the other parent to the children. It really feels great to unload all of the hurt and anger you have toward your ex, and who is better than the children to understand exactly where you’re coming from? It feels super to get that off your chest — right onto the children.
  7. Model vindictive and spiteful behavior. “Do as I say, not as I do” is the motto of parents who engage in this behavior. Only problem is, that philosophy has never worked when raising children. But who cares? It’s worth it to take a swipe at the old ex, right?
  8. Ignore the children’s stress and negative behavior brought on by the litigation. Tell the children to quit that silly crying, or stop misbehaving or I’ll whip you, or “Quit acting like a baby.” None of that sissy stuff like holding and reassuring them, asking them to share their concerns, or simply devoting some one-on-one attention.
  9. Try to “win” the children over by relaxing discipline. Parents who want to be the child’s best friend, not an authority figure. Guaranteed to win the child over to that parent’s “side,” and to undermine the authority of the other “mean” parent. The fly in this ointment is that after a while the child won’t mind you no matter what. But that’s okay as long as you’re best buds, huh?
  10. Use the children as targets to vent your own anger and frustration. What’s wrong with lashing out at junior after a particularly frustrating conversation with your ex? Everything.
As lawyers, you can exercise a lot of influence over your client’s behavior. I can’t think of a more important subject about which you can influence your client than how to keep the children from being hurt in a divorce.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Day of the Girl

Today is the first International Day of the Girl. Many women were asked what they wish they had known when they were 15. This inspired me to write a letter to the 15 year old I once was.
 There are so many things I wish I had known at 15. Above all  I wish I had known Jesus. I wish that I knew it was going to be OK! Being raised in fear,abuse and anger rage would consume me for years. I wish I had known then how strong I truly was and that I would persevere. I felt like a nothing, like no one cared what happened to me.  I wish I had known then that I did not have to be controlled by my circumstances. I wish I could hug that 15 year old girl and tell her that I am so sorry she felt that way. I wish I had known that I would grow up and be surrounded by more love than I could have ever imagined! That I would discover a Heavenly Father who loved me with an agape love that brings me a peace beyond all understanding. And that slowly but surely the anger and rage I felt inside would fade and I would be able to give so much love back.

 Girls all over the world are treated like they have no worth when the truth is they are priceless! They are taught that they can't achieve anything when the truth is that they can achieve everything! They are taught that they are the weaker sex but the truth is God made them strong!
 If we empower girls when they are young they will grow up and change the world. My prayer is that when the girls of today look back to when they were 15 they will not have to "wish" they had known, they can say I knew!

My sweet girls in Ethiopia. 
 Those that are, and those that are growing up to be
. The daughters. The mothers
. The sisters. The fribblings – friends like siblings. 
 The wives. The girlfriends.
 The aunts. The nieces. 
 The grand-somethings. The young uns.
 The teens. The women in your life.
 Who love, lose, cry. Laugh, heal, thrive. Nurture. Create.