Friday, March 28, 2008

She is ours forever!

Today our sweet girls adoption was finalized. Kennedy Grace is officially ours. There were some hiccups through this part of the process, but it all worked out. Thank you God! I can not believe Kennedy has been home 14 months. It seems like she has been with us forever. She is bright, funny, loving. We are so blessed. There is no way I can express how grateful I am. When she came home she was 2 1/2 years old, could not speak english, she had never celebrated a birthday or Christmas. Everything was shared at the orphanage... toys, food, clothes. I remember when we brought her some toys, she played with them and then looked at us like what now? It took a little bit but she finally understood those were her toys. The same with food. I think besides speaking better than most kids her age that were born and raised here, the most amazing thing she has done is swim. She had never been in a pool or tub. She was basically hosed off for a bath. Her first time in the pool she went under and could swim! She went off a slide, went under, popped up and dog paddled to us (she had on water wings and we are always with her.) Oh and she had a terrible fear of dogs, guess she has worked through that. Brody is her buddy. In the words of Ty Pennington...Welcome home baby girl, welcome home.
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.
1 Samuel 1:23

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Little boys and baseball

For probably two years my grandson has been wanting to play baseball, that is all he talks about. His jersey had to be #3 (something between him & grandpa) and he had to use his special bat grandpa got him, but he didn't want to scratch it up! Monday night he played his first game. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest! He was so excited we were there to watch him. He lives about 25 miles away, so it is a little bit of a drive but so worth it. My boys played baseball and those are some of my best memories. There is just something about boys and baseball. You look out there and you know they are fantasizing that they are in the major leagues and at this age 4,5 & 6 they are chasing bugs, sitting down, running the wrong way. Just being little boys having fun.
The first game he played great, but I knew we were in trouble when the other team is dressed like professionals players. I mean all out! Matching cleats, helmets, bat bags and the coaches, three of them all dressed alike and you know they were fantasizing that they were coaching a professional team!
This is t-ball! My little guy and his team had their t-shirts and baseball pants, plus three little girls, with pink helmets. I will tell you right now there is no way the other team would let a girl play on their team. It would have messed up there professional colors! :)
Our team got thumped, but they had such a good time.
Here's to little boys and baseball! Go Bat Busters # 3.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

ADHD, Forgiveness & Grace

I have ADHD. Well it isn't so bad, but when I was diagnosed about 8 years ago it was the missing piece to the puzzle!

Here is my opinion as an adult with ADHD.

I think outside the box and there is nothing wrong with that. If I have an idea or dream and it doesn't work, I will survive and move on. I do not like thinking in the box. It makes me edgy, moody and unhappy. I am not talking about living by the rules, everyone should obey the rules, what I am talking about is not being afraid to be yourself and that it is OK to be different.

When I was growing up my family life for lack of a better word was a volatile situation. My sisters and I never knew what each day would bring, it was scary. I was born with ADHD, a lot of common sense and a sense of humor. That is why, I believe I lived to tell the tale. Trust me there were times it was pretty iffy. I was a little girl thinking that this was not a normal way to grow up, that there had to be something better out there so at the ripe old age of 10 I made a plan for how my life would be when I grew up.

  1. My kids would always know they were loved unconditionally and feel safe.

  2. My husband would be nice

  3. He would have green eyes and brown hair

  4. I would have 2 boys and 2 girls ( I have 3 each)

  5. I would be there for anyone who needed someone.

  6. I would make a difference

  7. I would break the cycle.

Not bad huh? I achieved all those goals and more. Why? Because in my mind it wasn't an option. ADHD may have it's negatives, but it also has it's positives. So if you have a child, teach a child or know of a child with ADHD give them a high five, a hug, encourage them, love them the way they are, focus on the positive not the negative, and tap into their gifts (we all have at least one!)

I met a mom whose grown son has made some mistakes, big ones and he is trying to straighten his life out. But how can you move on and forgive yourself when you own mother can't seem to forgive you? He is in his 20's and I think he has ADHD. I believe the mistakes he has made were not intentional, he didn't set out to hurt anyone, as my very good friend says they were "errors of the heart." He is alone and trying so hard to get back on track. I know his mom is a Christian and If she reads my blog I would ask her this, Why can't you let go and forgive this precious child? Jesus died for you and forgave you and as a believer He fully expects you to do the same thing. My boys have pulled some doozies! But never, ever did they doubt our love or them. That doesn't mean we condone what they did and there were not consequences to deal with, but they know without a doubt our love for them has no boundaries. My husband and I treat our children like our Heavenly Father treats us, with a loving, forgiving heart but we also let them fall down sometimes so hopefully they would learn a lesson. Sometimes it took several falls! I pray that this young man's mom will understand this and open up her heart. You only have one life to live and it would be shame to live it in anger and unforgiveness.

As I look back I truly believe my parents had their own issues to deal with. Back then you didn't talk about it, there were no Dr. Phil's or Oprah's on T.V., no self help books. You just woke up and did your best. My mom and dad died a long time ago. No matter what happened, they were my mom and dad and I loved them with all my heart. I use to only think about the bad times, but as I grow older I remember the bad time's less and the good times more. That is what forgiveness and grace are. It let's you see the good and forget the bad.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Where Do I Go For Strength?

There's no storm strong enough to tear you away from your source of strength.
No pain can hide the Savior from you.
No disappointment can derail your journey to the Father.
It's a matter of will~ that continual leap of faith you make when your spirit is bruised.
By Max Lucado

I love this quote. It reminds me that nothing can take me away from my Heavenly Father. That tough times can and should make you stronger.

I would like to congratulate my son who knew what he wanted, persevered and made it happen. He will humbly tell you he achieved this goal because he knew God was always with him.
PFC. Bayer finished his Specialty training today!
Ooh Ra! Well done Marine.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I get by with a little help from my friends

I need my Blogger friends to spread the word about ~The Hug Away Foundation~
If you are not aware of our foundation and what we do, let me explain. We are a non-profit that offers grants to families who have been called to adopt. We believe that finances should not be a reason for a child not to come home to their forever family. Another goal, hopefully by the summer is to start humanitarian aid to children who can not be adopted. It goes without saying that this will take some money and lots of it. So that is why I need a little help from my friends. We need to spread the word. I believe there are a lot of wonderful and generous people out there who would love to help and would if they knew about us. So please help us get the word out. Who knows, maybe some of you maybe thinking you would love to help but how? Have a fundraiser! Get your kids and community involved. You will be a blessing and you will be blessed! (my husbands favorite saying)
We are working on our website and blog so that should be up soon. In the meantime you can contact us at: for more information.
We CAN make a difference!

Monday, March 10, 2008

I can see the light!

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I think so! The last six months which have been emotionally, spiritually and financially draining. But I have a feeling things are going to start looking up. I have no clue when or how, but it is just a feeling. I am ready! Hug Away is starting to build some momentum. Hopefully our website will be up soon. I thing that will be
I have to share a funny thing Kennedy said to me yesterday. I was at the store and Jordan called me and said Kennedy was having a fit, which is very unusual. She said she was screaming and crying, kicking and hitting, that is way out of character. So I left the store to go home and take care of the situation. I called Kennedy downstairs and asked her if she did all the above. She shook her head no. I said “Kennedy?” and with a very serious face she said “yes mommy, but I smiled!” Good grief. How am I suppose to keep a straight face and deal with the situation? I made her apologize to Jordan, that was about all I could get out.

Friday, March 7, 2008


This is our oldest son Michael with his son Jaylon.
It is kind of surreal to look at this picture because even though it has been 30 years since Michael was born, I look at this picture and think "where did the time go?" Our son with his son.
I love each of my children the same, but each of them hold a special place in my heart.
Michael's bio dad left when he was a little over a year old. Never had a thing to do with us after that. So it was me and Michael for almost 10 years before I met Mike, my husband. Michael and I grew up together. At the time there was a song out by Helen Reddy called "You and me against the world." It was about a mom and her son trying to make it. That was our song, because it often felt like the world was against us. I often worked 2 jobs, we were on welfare and food stamps at one point and had no car. But the one thing that was sure in our lives was we had each other. I wasn't a Christian back then and I believe I could have been a much better mom as far a quality time verses quantity, but lessons were learned. Michael lost two very important people in his life by the time he was 12, my dad and mom. Funny they were not the best parents to me and my sisters, but they were awesome grandparents! Again, lessons learned. They adored Michael, he was the first grandchild and the first boy in the family. My dad died when Michael was 7. I will never forget at his funeral when they handed him the flag from my dads coffin. He looked so lost. His eyes are big & beautiful a bluish green and all I saw in them that day were big tears and a sadness in his soul that know one could comfort. His papa Jack was gone. Four years later my mom died. I often thought Michael loved her more than me at times, with good reason. Had it not been for her, Michael would have spent a lot of time at a day care. She adored him and he adored her. Her death was painful for Michael. His nanny was gone. Again those eyes. The sadness in them. He was never the same after that. He lost something that he would never get back. Right after my dad died I met and married my husband Mike. After my mom died I became a Christian. Mike adopted Michael. Michael grew up and now he is a dad. He doesn't see his son a whole lot but when he does you can tell they adore each other. They have so much fun. Two guys just having fun! My grandson has these huge brown eyes. Like his dad when you look at his eyes you can see into his soul.
Like I said before I love each of my children the same but there is a special place in my heart for each of them. I have often told Michael that he saved my life. If God had not blessed me with Michael when He did I can honestly say I am not sure I would be alive today. Michael helped me grow up. Michael was my anchor in a stormy sea. Michael was my angel.
Your beauty...should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

If you want me to

The pathway is broken And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You
answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness If You want me to
Cuz when I cross over Jordan Gonna sing, gonna shout
,Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley If You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valleyIf You want me to

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Let me rephrase!

I am not possesed by demons! I should have said Satan is attacking me. I should have also said he does that whenever he knows you are living the life God planned for you and when you step out in faith and when you are close to seeing a dream God put in your heart come true. This is when satan has the most fun messing with you.
I will persevere, I always do. After all I have God on my side!
Thank you for your concerns, they are appreciated. Want a great picker upper? Go to:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace...that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romasn 15:13

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Letting Go

It isn't easy, but sometimes in order to have peace you have to let go. My husband and I have three wonderful grown sons. It isn't easy to let go of children, because in your heart they are just that...children, not grown men. You want to be there for them when they need you but not be an enabler. I have a great relationship with my sons. We talk about anything and everything. I have had them come into my room late at night and we talk until the next morning or they will call and we will just talk and talk. They still do that and I cherish those times. Those are some of my most precious memories.
I think one of the most important gifts you can give your child or anyone for that matter besides teaching them about God and His word is to know that they are valued and that they are loved, unconditionally. I am not saying you agree or condone everything they say or do. Trust me my sons have put us through the ringer at times, but they know without a doubt no matter what, our love is unconditional. In other words you treat them exactly like God treats us.
Tonight my thoughts are with PFC. Bayer, Dustin, our youngest son. On March 18th he will be stationed in 29 Desert Palms, before he is deployed at some point. I have been asked how can you let him go? The answer is my son knew without a doubt that God had called him to serve his country. He loves what he is doing and that makes letting go easier. God spoke to my heart and He promised me that He would take care of him. That is how I let go of my three sons. I gave them back to God. They are His sons. And when it is time to let my daughters go I will do the same thing. God gives them to you, you do your very best raising them, loving them and then when you have to let go, you give them back to God.
Tonight I have to let go of some demons that have been eating at my soul. Yes, I have demons. Sometimes we are so busy praying for others and taking care of their needs we forget to ask God for a little help for ourselves. These demons have wrecked havoc on me not only spiritually but emotionally. Now it is time to let God take over. I am letting go.