The man

Today I had one of those moments when the world feels like it is caving in around me. It started off as such a great day. We celebrated the 4th of July at church. I have always been patriotic but now that I have a son who is a Marine it takes on a whole new meaning. We had a great message in worship and Sunday School and then lunch with wonderful friends.
We get home, Mike is outside with the girls and then without a warning I am overwhelmed with some mountains that stand before me and I just feel like I don't have the strength to climb. I got in my van without saying a word to anyone and drove. I had no idea where I was going but I ended up at a park. I prayed and just sat there enjoying the peace and quiet. I told God, "I have no where to go and no one to turn to. I feel so alone, so empty." He said " you have me." " But Lord I have prayed, believed and persevered and tomorrow when I wake up those problems will still be there. I am tired and I don't think I can do this one more day. I just don't have the strength. I don't want to give up, but..."
There was only one other car there and in the distance I saw a man who looked like he was teaching a younger man how to play basketball. After watching for a bit it was obvious the younger man had some disabilities. I watched as the man patiently and gently showed the young man how to shoot hoops. He would just drop the ball, but every single time the man would pick up the ball lay his hand on the young mans shoulder and show him again. After a little while they went and sat on the bench and the man had his arm around the young mans shoulder. Then they got up and headed very slowly back to their car. The young man seemed to have cerebral palsy. He walked slowly and his steps were unsure. The older man kept his arm on the younger man, guiding him gently and very carefully so he would not fall, always at his side. As I watched them I saw God and how He helps us with our steps. Slowly, carefully and gently always by our side, holding on to us and never letting go. So even in those times when we believe He is not there by our side, He is. His Spirit is so gentle we often forget He is by our side...always.
I sat there thanking God for once again showing me that I am not alone. He is a big God and that things that I believe are impossible ,He can make possible.

Wollipops

I have never had a child who could not pronounce their ''L's.'' Kennedy came home at the age of 2 1/2 and in no time was speaking English better than most kids who were born and raised here. But those L's. For her birthday she received a huge rainbow colored lollipop. The other day she came downstairs all upset yelling "My wollipop, my wollipop it's gone!" Tears were streaming down her face. She was so upset but it was hard not to smile because she was so darn cute! I asked Cameron if she had Kennedys wollipop and Cameron said no. Kennedy cried "she is wyin! (Lying) It was very hard not to laugh. After she calmed down I told her it was not nice to call her sister a wiaer, I mean liar. She apologized. That night she came into my room about midnight and told me her room was scary. I told her it was a nice room and that she was a big girl and needed to go back to her own bed. She looked at me with such sad eyes and said "Mommy, I want to be 3 again I am tired of being 4." I asked why? She said "because when I was 3 I was still your baby and you let me sleep with you." :( Is she the baby of the family or what? I think she knows how to work me!

Mothers and Sons and a Son for a moment

I have three sons. I was a mom to sons for 17 years before we adopted our first daughter Jordan. I loved it. I was the oldest of five girls so I adored being mom to three boys, the only girl in the house. Of course I love being mom to three precious daughters, but that is totally different. But for now this is about the relationship between mothers and sons. It is very special. My sons still call me to talk about "stuff" we have a very good relationship and they know I am always just a phone call away.
My boy's have always wanted to protect me. Even when they were younger they would protect me, oh you know from mice or mosquito's, spiders... Now they are grown and they would be there for me in a minute if I was in trouble.
They are all grown up and on their own and I miss them so much. Oh, I see Michael and Cody once in a while and Dustin is for now living on a Marine Base in California, so for this mom I don't see them near enough. They are young men with their own life's to live. This past week I have really been missing them to the point my heart aches. I miss their smiles, strong hugs and laughing at silly stuff. I miss their crazy stories ( well some, not so much :))
Last night for several reason's I was restless and couldn't sleep. I woke up and my thoughts would turn to my children. I knew my daughter's were safe in their bed's but I wondered how my son's were doing. Michael is in San Antonio on a job right now., Cody works a late shift and Dustin is a Marine. Again, I prayed for their safety and that God would bless them. Again the ache comes back and tear's come to my eye's. Where did the time go? One day they are wrestling in our living room and then they are moving out...one by one. It goes way to fast.
But God in His wonderful way took a little bit of the pain away today. I have a friend who moved to Florda a few years ago. Her husband is a preacher. She has 3 great kids. Today I walked into worship towards where I usually sit and I see this tall, dark, handsome young man standing in front of the pew where I sit and when he sees me this huge grin comes across his face and I realize it is my friends oldest son! I got a big bear hug and he said " I am going to sit with you today!
He made my day. He has no clue how happy I was to see him, how blessed I was he was sitting next to me and how fun it was to have a few good laughs with a son, even if he wasn't mine. Yes, for a little while this mom had her son fix. Of all the people he knows in that church ( he grew up there and knows everyone ) I had the joy of having him sit next to me. Thank you Ben.

Orphans

First let me say that Jordan's Gotcha Day was the 17th. That is when I made the post, but I wrote it on the 16th and saved it so...

I just left a friend who is waiting on travel clearance so they can travel to S. Korea to bring their sweet baby girl home! We are so excited for them. We were able to help them because of people who cared.
I have been doing a lot of thinking. Hug Away has been up and going since
January and have been able to help a couple of families, we have our website up and we are getting the word out. Then the gas prices have sky rocketed, food prices are going up and on an on.
I have to admit I have had some moment's where I have thought "what is the point.?" We need money to help families and people are hanging on to their money. BUT again God in His awesome way gave me hope in my heart again when I received a letter from one of my two children I sponsor through World Vision. My girl I have had for 4 years and the little boy for about 5 months. He was considred a basically a last chance child because he was a boy and 11 years old. That is so sad. So now he knows someone cares. He lives in Kenya and my 7 year old girl lives in Uganda.
My point? I am not tooting my horn here but the fact is no matter how bad my finances are (trust me they are not good) no matter what, I made sure I found the money for my sponsor kids. They were not going to do without. They are my babies and I made a commitment to them. They are counting on me.
No matter how bad the economy or our personal finances are and no matter how hard it is getting to adopt, there will always be families who step out in faith and adopt trusting God to provide for their needs and sadly there will always be orphans. Those who need us the most. Please pray about this. Help us help them.
My carpet needs replaced, but there is a child tonight who would love to lay on that carpet. My living room and kitchen need paint, but somewhere there are siblings with no parents hugging each other to protect themselves from the elements. I am having left overs again. There is a child digging through a garbage dump hoping to find something to eat. I may not have the nicest house, the best car or designer clothes, but compared to the life hundreds of thousands of children live everyday, I am very rich.
We are not all called to adopt, but we are called to help the "least of these" the most helpless, the most vunerable. That is the least we should do. Give back. Please pray about how you can make a difference. You can!

Happy Gotcha Day Jordan!

Thirteen years ago today, my husband got off the plane from Los Angeles with a 3 month old little bundle of joy from S. Korea. He placed the precious baby in my arms and all I could think was how beautiful she was. She looked like an angel. Today that baby is now 13 years old. Jordan never ceases to amaze me. She is beautiful, kind and good. She is smart, responsible and has a good head on her shoulders. She is funny yet she has always been an old soul. She loves God, her family and friends. She wants to make a difference in this world.
Happy Gotcha Day Sweet Girl! Thirteen years? I can't believe it. They have gone by way to fast.

Your Korean name means bright and beautiful, and that you are.

We love you Princess.

Good time, Sad times, Grateful moments

Friday the 13th was a day of mixed feelings. It was the beginning of Vietnam Weekend, which was so much fun. Then I got a job! I can walk to my job, so this is an answer to prayer.
But on a sad note, Tim Russert died. If you don't know who he is, you would have to be living under a rock. He was a great journalist and lead Meet the Press for years. I thought he was just a good guy. I loved watching and listening to him. He died at work from a heart attack and was 58 years old.
Later that night, my friend Susan lost her battle with cancer. She was only 55 years old and had of all things, tongue cancer. Never smoked or anything of the sort. It was tough. But as her husband stated when he let our church know of her death, she never complained or asked "why me?" That was Susan. Quiet, humble just a very good person. I admired her and she will be missed. A year ago February I lost a friend to cancer, I believe he was 50. Last month Maria Chapman went home to be with the Lord at the age of 5. Last week 2 little girls, best friend 11 & 13 were shot to death while taking a walk down a road by their house.
Why do I share this with you? Because I want you to live life to it's fullest! We never know when our time will come. If you love someone, tell them! If someone needs you, help them! Mend relationships if you need to. Love one another, respect one another, help those who need it, be grateful for what you have and if possible share it. Remember the saying a few years back? What would Jesus do?" Do that. Before you act, think of W.W.J.D.? You can't go wrong.
I am sad but at the same time very grateful that God allowed me the honor to know these friends who have gone to be with Him. It doesn't matter if I knew them in person or through the T.V. each of them at some point impacted my life. My two friends Hub and Susan never asked us why we were adopting again. They embraced it and supported us. They got it. I don't think I ever told them how much that meant to me. More than silver or gold. None of the...are you kidding? Are you nuts? Don't you think you have enough? Not from Hub and Susan. Just a genuine smile and a hug. It didn't cost them a thing, but was priceless to me. Think about it.

Soap Box

I am going to get on my soap box for a bit. That is the great thing about a blog. It is my blog and I can do that! I have several things I want to touch on.
1. How many kids someone should have. Someone asked me the other day if we were through adopting. Why? Do they think I am to old to adopt more kids? Do they think we have enough kids? Are we living in a nation that has a quota? It just irks me when people are so rude! It is none of their business. Do I ask them why do you have only one kid, two kids, three kids? No. It is none of my business. That is a personal choice. I just don't understand why people feel they have that sense of entitlement. As long as we are able to love and take care of these precious gifts, don't worry about it, ok?
2. Whiners. I am not talking about those who really have problems. I mean those people who don't look past their own little world and think they have it so bad. Never thinking of the women and children of the world who are being bought and sold for sex, who are abused and starving. Or young boys who are taught to hate at a young age. Those who have not heard about God. These people have no hope. none. I have one thing to say to whiners... put on your big girl panties and suck it up!
3. Susan Sarandon is leaving the country if McCain is voted as our next president. Who cares! Was this really news worthy? All I can say to Susan is BYE and take all your Hollywood whining friends with you! I have a son who is going to fight for your right and many others have died so you can say stupid things like that. So go and don't let the door hit you on the way out.
4. Don't even get me going on poor Rachel Ray getting grief for wearing a scarf that might offend some religion. As far as I am concerned people offend my beliefs everyday and if we make a stink about it we get harassed because we may offend someone else ! Good grief, what happened with agree to disagree and leave it at that? Well again my blog so if I offend someone...oops!
I believe Jesus Christ was born to a virgin, He died on the cross for our sin's and He rose again! I believe in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I did not evolve from an ape! True some mornings I wake up and might look like it...
I forgive people who make me mad or offend me. And I don't dislike someone because they don't think exactly like I do. That is one of the many great things about Jesus. He gives me that ability. He also gives me the ability to be a mom 6 times (more if He chooses that for our lives) turn the other cheek, look past my own world and pray for others.
Oh and by the way, I am not whining. I shared my thoughts and beliefs and am moving on.

Happy Birthday Sweet Kennedy!

Today Princess Kennedy turned 4 years old. We had a wonderful time with dear friends. This is only the second birthday Kennedy has celebrated. The room looked like a beautiful rainbow with all the children and parents from different parts of the world. It was a very good day. Thank you God.

The Mirror

It can be your friend, or it can be your enemy. Since I have been home it is defiantly my enemy! I keep thinking, what is your problem? True, I almost died in flight. OK, that is an exaggeration, but it felt like it, then I had a really bad cold and let's not forget jet lag. But the mirror does something else, it shows you the truth. I am a little overwhelmed and a bit depressed. I think I have mentioned it before but I am proned to depression usually when I am overwhelmed. I give it the good fight, but sometimes....
The fact is in my perfect world I would not have to worry about finding a job. I would be a stay at home mom, be there for my family and focus on Hug Away. That is my dream. But the truth is I need to work. So I pray God will guide my step's toward the job I am suppose to have.
I have prayed for guidance and would do whatever God ask me to do, but I have not had that question answered yet. So I sit, try not to worry, but I do, shame on me. The christian in me knows that if I let God have it all, things will work out. But the human in me is so afraid of "missing" where He leads me I make it much harder on myself than it should be.
So this is me. A christian trying to be the best she can be, but who still doubt's herself and once in a while falls down. But just so you know, when I fall down I stay there for a while before God. That is when I feel closest to Him.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:18

Korea through our eye's

This song was confirmation from God that we were to adopt again. I had so many fears & doubts. We were blessed with Kennedy! Since I became a Christian, God has taken many fears away from me, including the biggie...Flying! This song reflects my personal relationship with God and how He has worked in my life and changed it in ways I could have never imagined. Enjoy.