Sunday, July 6, 2008

And this is life

I was looking in the mirror the other day and realized I am more than likely past the half way mark of my life. Yup, the end is closer than the beginning. With that uplifting thought I realized how quickly life has gone by. I remember wanting to hurry up and be 16, 18, 21. Not that I want to be any of those ages again but I would settle for 40 IF I could have what I have now and know what I know now.
Since I became a christian at 37 everything about me has changed. How I made it without God in my life for 37 years is a mystery to me! I do believe God had a plan for me and knew I would do everything I could to be faithful to His plan. I am sure If God gets headaches I have given Him more than His fair share, and He has had a few sighs and gritted His teeth on more than one occasion through this process. And like any loving father He knows there will be more of that to come, as long as I am on earth. It makes my heart happy to know He loves me that much. He never gives up on me, He is always forgiving me and will never quit loving me. Something I don't deserve but He gives me freely anyway.
This brings me to my kids and my love for them. The same thing applies to them except I have a few gray hairs, wrinkles and I have clinched my jaw so tight that I sleep that way! But I forgive, forget and try to be patient, but above all I love them unconditionally. They are six beautiful, special gifts from God and I will treat them as such. But the deal is at some point you have to let them go. That is the part of life I don't really care for. Hey, I'm a mom OK? We raise them, love them, protect them so HOPEFULLY someday they will be able to go out in this big world and make it. While they move on the parent stays behind, still praying for them and loving them...always.
I started out in this world in not the greatest environment and have gone through things most people could not even comprehend. If you had told me when I was 12,16,18 or 21 that my life would have turned out so wonderful and blessed I probably would have laughed in your face. No way. How could a life that was so miserable ever turn out good let alone blessed. But I wanted something better and through every tear, every valley, through fear and darkness I persevered.
When life took me down I looked up and took Gods hand and He pulled me up and out.
God didn't cause the bad things that happened but He allowed me to be in situations where I learned to depend on Him and for that I am grateful. In the book of James 1:2 it tells us to be joyful whenever we face hard times because our faith is being tested and that develops perseverance. Now I personally don't go around kicking up my heals when life isn't going my way, anyone who reads my blog knows this BUT after I get out of my pity party and decide I am going to do something about it I see the plan God had for me, the lesson I learned and for that I am always grateful. You also know that if you read my blog.
I don't pretend to be this perfect Christan with all the answers. I am human and I succumb to bad moods, ungratefulness and pity parties. The things that separates me from non believers is the fact I always come out on top, full of joy, grateful, forgiving and loving. That is the difference between believers and non-believers. Very simple really. It's a choice.
So as I grow older and my kids grow up (way to quick) and move on, when things are not going my way and I feel like giving up, when things are so great and I have one of those days I would love to freeze in time but can't, I have to remember, this is life, the one God gave me, the one I didn't deserve but one I am so very grateful for.

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