Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Confessions of a Christian

If you truly seek Gods will in your life you pray for days like this! Now, in order to understand what I mean let me back track a bit. 
Hug Away has been going since 2008 and though we have come a long way I do believe we have a long way to go in order to do what God wants us to do. Financially we struggle. Finding enough sponsors is a struggle. Finding people to help with fundraisers is a struggle. Finding consistent donors a struggle. Last year I had an idea to have a run and we would call it "Run for the Orphan" I was never able to get anyone to help me organize it. Today I open our local paper and a wonderful church here in town had a "Run for Orphans" and raised $100,000! This was a vision of a 14 year old boy! I am so happy for those who will benefit from this but I would be lying if I didn't admit that part of me was a little upset that I couldn't get that kind of support for Hug Away. And if that wasn't enough I am trying to plan another fundraiser and I can't find enough help. It truly can be so discouraging! OK, is anyone ready to ask me if I would like some cheese with my whine? :)
I was having quite the pity party! I was ready to give up. But God!
Tonight I started a class by Priscilla Shirer ( she writes the best bible studies!) I was looking forward to it but still bummed about the events of the day. In the first 15 minutes God spoke to me through this study like I have never heard Him before! The study basically focuses on the fact if you are a pew sitter or do you hit the pavement doing what God has called you to do. Well I am sure not a pew sitter! I get out there and do what God has called me to do! Yup! That's me! But sadly I have left out something very important...totally trusting God. 
Yes I pray. I thank Him for so many blessings and ask for guidance, wisdom, safety and blessings and I do put my trust in Him...But somewhere in that trust I always seem to add a little bit of Elaine's agenda. I don't care if I trusted God 99% if I add just 1% of Elaine then I have not put my total trust in Him. And there lies the problem. I've been doing this for years. Going down the same road with the same results. Not just with Hug Away but with so many things in my life. Like Priscilla said" You can't do what you've always done and expect different results." Deep down I know this but this is the day that I finally got it! I walk into a class feeling hopeless and walk out full of hope! Oh God and His perfect timing. There really is nothing like it!
I have kept Hug Away in a box and I need to take this ministry out of the box. I can't expect just my church and a few outside of  my church walls to help keep this ministry going. I need to trust God and let Him do what He needs to do! 
God speaks only the truth and the truth will set you free. I for one can't wait to see what God has planned. I know it will be amazing!
Gods amazing sunsets
No that I have confessed all of this I will be watched by others a little more closely. God never promised us that once we trusted Him it would be easy, He said He would not leave us. But my hearts desire is that when you watch me you see God's child trusting her heavenly Father completely and loving Him with all her heart. I am not perfect but know that not if but when I fall He will be right there to pick me up.

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