Thoughts and Prayers

Kennedy just makes herself comfortable wherever she likes!

Lots of stuff going on.
I am so excited! We have been working on a new website for Hug Away and it is up and running. It still needs some tweaking so go take a looky at www.hugaway.org
I have a meeting in Dallas on Monday and my husband made plans to take me and the girls for the whole weekend! Good times with family and good friends! I can't wait.
This week I have really been trying hard not to focus on the "adoption"; issue, thing, dilema I am not sure what I would call it, anyway I know it is only Wednesday but yesterday (2 days into my not focusing) the little girl that reminded me of Cameron came to my heart. I emailed the lady at the agency and asked about her and she said she was still available. That just broke my heart. She is so precious. I am praying that when God finds her family they will "know." That is what happened with our Cameron. There is a lot to her story that I won't share because it is her story and she deserves her privacy but it is a miracle that after a long journey God chose us to be her family and we knew she was or daughter and for that I will forever be humbled and grateful.
Sometimes I will see parents dumping their childs very private story out there for the whole world to see without thinking that maybe one day when they have a voice they may not appreciate it very much. A child's story can be told without sharing every little detail.
I know a lot of families that are in the adoption process right now, so if you would when you are praying please not only pray for the children who are waiting for a family but also for the families who are waiting for their children. I know they would appreciate it. Also pray for the boys who wait. There is a saying that adoption agencies and orphanages have, Families wait for girls and boys wait for families. Sad but true.

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands.
--- Kristi Larson

Seeking Gods Will

I have been praying and praying about the adoption situation. I feel like God is truly putting this on my heart. The problem is that my husband who is not closed to the idea is on the fence and to be honest he is leaning more on the "I don't think so" side. This would not be a problem if I didn't feel the way I do. I have had so many little "God whispers" lately. I feel the tug is towards China and special needs. You know when we started the adoption process in 2006 I just knew we were suppose to adopt from China. But God had a different plan and we started the process for Vietnam to bring home our Kennedy. I often wonder if He changed the course then because He had a little one in China waiting for us now? A couple of weeks ago I was in a consignment shop looking for a pair of jeans for Kennedy, its to close to summer to buy new ones, anyway I am looking through the clothes and I can't believe what I came across. In the middle of all these jeans and shirts on little hangars,there in front of me was a beautiful brand new still had the tags on it size 3 little girls traditional "cheongsan" Chinese dress ! What in the world? Where did that come from? I couldn't believe it. A few days later I came across a little girl on a website that reminded me so much of our Cameron. She was in China. I went ahead and contacted the agency. The lady told me someone was already looking at the file and she would put me on the list. She did say she had just received the file of another little girl that a family was also looking at and would I like to be on the list. I said sure, never ever expecting to see either one.
The next day I am checking my email and there it is the file of the second little girl. I told Mike about her and asked if he would mind if I took her file and showed it to our pediatrician. He said it was ok, but not to get my hopes up. She had more special needs than we would be able to handle so I emailed the lady and told her. Two days later the file of the first little girl that reminded me of Cameron was waiting for me when I checked me email! I honestly didn't think we would ever see her file. Again she had significant special needs and we said no. About the special needs, it was not easy to say no but after much prayer that was the final answer.
So I just thought to myself "Elaine let it go." And I did. But a few days later that pull at my heart came back. Then I had a dream last night. At the end of the dream I handed someone something and I could not see her face but I could see a head of black hair as they handed me a "little one" and then I woke up. There have been several other "whispers" but one thing for sure this is not going away. I have come up with so many reasons to push it out of my heart. My age, absolutely no money to pay for another adoption, need a new auto. This is the short list. But then I remember I serve a mighty God and if He wants us to bring another baby Bayer home He and He alone will open the doors not only to my husbands heart, but to all we need to make this happen. And though "I" have my doubts deep down I would adopt again in a heart beat! But honestly if that wasn't the plan, I would do anything God asked me to do.
Life is short and not about us or what we need but what can we do to make a difference in someone elses life. Funny as I type that I think of people who have told me and my husband how blessed our daughters are because we adopted them and we will both look them in the eye and say "oh you don't understand, we are the blessed ones!" When we step out and serve God as He ask it brings joy, purpose, happiness, love and blessings into our lives. I think of Jesus as he walked as a man on earth. He was here to serve, not to see how much money He could make, or stuff He could buy, or how comfortable He could be. So if God the one I gave my heart too, the one who changed my life in ways I could have never dreamed of, the one who gave His Son to die on the cross for my sins so I could have eternal life ask me to do anything I would do it.
I believe God is getting ready to move in my life in a mighty way. I believe it is adoption but it may be something else, it may have something to do with Hug Away or going to Ethiopia all I know is I am ready.

Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe and rely one Me, you would see the Glory of God? John 11:40

Fantastic Fridays!

Kennedy and her new haircut. She is such a cutie pie!

I have a lot of blogger friends who have "special" days on their blogs. I have decided to start "Fantastic Fridays!" It is coming to the end of the week and I thought it would a nice time to reflect back on the week and share praises that God has blessed us with. Sometimes we are so focused on the things not going well in our lives that we forget to look for even the smallest blessings.
This week God has blessed be in lots of ways. I was blessed to watch a friend and her family take a huge leap of faith! Several fellow bloggers have children in the hospital and they are healing from surgeries. I had a great week at work! My family is healthy. I feel God has been whispering to me all week about certain things and it has given me such peace.
God gave me another day!
Take a look back at your week and even if it wasn't the best week I bet if you look you will be able to find at least one blessing!

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

You know, that you know, that you know!

God has been moving so much in my life the last few days to be honest it is almost overwhelming. These are the times that if someone ask you "how do you know its God?"you can say "I know,that I know, that I know!" I was born to share my heart so that others would "know" they were not the only ones, not alone, and that we serve a mighty God! So where do I begin?
Lets start with the "will we adopt again?" As I knew I would I began to obsess about it and trying to figure out how we could, if we could and should we if we could! Finally I was humbled to go to God and give Him control. Since then total peace.
Then there is Hug Away. We are not receiving any donations and so the obsession begins! Why? Why wasn't Hug Away being all that I knew it could be. Why were people not donating money? Why this and why that? Again, that still small whisper speaks to my heart and says "Let me know when you are ready to let me step in." Ouch. See, when Hug Away was born I just knew we would be helping so many families. Last year our first year we helped four families and I was happy and so grateful, but I wanted us to help more! If a family needed a grant I wanted to be able to write a check right then. The fact is I should have been taking baby steps all along. But in usual Elaine fashion I went for it all at once. Instead of babying the ministry and helping it along the way I threw it out there and expected mighty miracles from it. So back to God and back to the basics. All along this thought kept coming to my mind "simple is more and baby steps."
So most of you know I love Joyce Meyers. Well, while in this little fog I have not been watching her or really doing my quiet time. But as the fog was lifted I decided to watch her again and have my quiet time. She was speaking on "Winning the Race and Never Giving Up and Taking Action" It was so appropriate and just what I needed. She was explaining the fact that when God lays a dream on someones heart they usually start off running. The fact is we need to learn how to sit, stand, walk and then run. Of course these are metaphors but you get the point, there is a process. Not all callings are going to be big. It could be as simple as blogging and making a difference in one persons life with what you wrote. It could also be as simple and wonderful as our adoption ministry at my church. Through providing awareness and answering questions several families have been called to adopt. Or it could be the fact that you are grateful that a ministry God planted in your heart was able to help four wonderful families bring a child home to their forever family. It can be that simple and that wonderful.
So as I was going over the last few days and basking in His glory God lead me to a very simple verse Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I do not see God but I know He exist and that He loves me and has put a desire in my heart to make a difference. I just need to slow down and enjoy the journey.
One of my favorite verses in the bible is Revelation 3:7-8 What he opens no one can shut and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.
I think I am going to give God back the control of my door!

Happy Gotcha Day Cameron!

Actually Cameron's Gotcha Day is tomorrow April 20th. I believe all adoption stories are special. I know each of our daughters have a pretty wonderful story about how God brought us together to be a family. 9 years ago today my husband Mike who had flown to Korea all by himself was getting ready to get on a plane and bring home our 14 month old daughter Cameron Jade. Cameron was a miracle in a lot of ways. In May 2006 I was asked to write a story about Cameron for Rainbow Kids online Adoption magazines 10th anniversary issue. Here is just a small part of her wonderful story. (I wish I could scan the first picture I ever saw of Cameron in her little crochet hat!)


When God Calls
Sometimes, God's voice can be heard through a little child..
May 01,2006 / Elaine Bayer

“Mommy I really want a little sister!” This was becoming a weekly request from our then four-year-old daughter, Jordan. (Actually, her request was 10 little sisters!) In my heart, our family was complete. My husband and I were blessed with three wonderful biological sons and our beautiful princess, Jordan, who we adopted from Korea in 1995, the year I turned 40. Yes, life could not get any better than this—or so I thought.

It was July 1999 and Jordan and I were driving home after attending her first day at Dillon International Korean Heritage Camp when the conversation that would change our lives began:

“Mommy, did I tell you I wanted a little sister?”

“Yes, Jordan .”

“Can I have one? How about you and I pray and ask God what He wants us to do? OK, Mommy?”

“Now Jordan , we have to accept His answer, whatever it may be because God knows what is best for our family, OK?”

“I understand, Mommy. Can we pray now?

“Sure.”

We continued our drive. A short time later, Jordan pipes up, “Mommy, He answered me.”

“Who, Jordan?”

“God!”

“Oh really, what did He say?”

“He told me it was OK with Him if we adopt a little sister, but now it was up to you and Daddy.”

I believed every word she had just spoken to me.

I was 44 years old (too old, I thought, for the Korea program). We had no money to adopt and had not planned to adopt again, but once again, we were following our faith and our hearts. After all, God had told Jordan it was OK with Him.

We considered the domestic adoption of a bi-racial child, and I started looking at pictures of waiting children on the internet. One day in November 1999 my sister and I were looking on the internet and came across the Rainbow Kids website. We were drawn to a picture of a little girl with a sad face and a crochet hat. I read her history, noted that you could not be over 45 to adopt her, and knew she was in Korea . She also had more special needs than I felt we could handle. Meanwhile, I could not get started on the domestic adoption application: My heart was in Korea .

On December 10, 1999 , I took the morning off from work and Jordan and I stopped by Dillon International to drop off Christmas cards and pick up a copy of our old home study. Dillon's Korea Program Director, Duk Kyung Um, and Heritage Education and Travel Programs Director, Beverlee Einsig, greeted me. When we told them the reason for our visit, they looked at each other and asked if we would be interested in a boy with minor special needs from Korea ? I said I would talk to my husband. A couple of hours later, I received a phone call from Duk Kyung saying that she had an eight-month-old girl with some special needs. Would we be interested in seeing her video? A girl! I grabbed Jordan 's hand and we were gone again. A few minutes later, Jordan and I watched the video of a beautiful little girl who looked very familiar to me. Jordan and I said, “We want her!” They advised me to talk to my husband first (even though I knew he would say the same thing!). As we were walking out of the door, Jordan said, “See Mommy, I told you God said it was OK!”

I wondered why that precious little child looked so familiar to me. Did I dream about her? We accepted our new daughter's referral feeling so blessed and honored that God had chosen us to be her family. A few days later, I sent my sister a picture of our newest daughter, Cameron. She called me, screaming with excitement, “Elaine it is the little girl on the Rainbow Kids website! The little one with the hat!”

I immediately knew which child she was talking about. Since it had only been a couple of days since we had accepted her referral, I took a chance that she would still be on the website. There she was! The pretty little girl with the sad face and crochet hat. The one I initially thought would be impossible for our family to adopt was now our precious daughter. The picture on Rainbow Kids was our referral picture.

I know without a doubt that God's fingers were in this process the whole time from the time He spoke to Jordan until the seed was planted in my heart when I saw her picture on the Rainbow Kids website. Today that little girl, who began life with some significant special needs, is our Cameron. She is healthy, beautiful, funny, and a very smart seven-year-old.

I often think of the blessings we would have missed if we had not listened to God calling on us. Through the prayer of a child, a seed planted by a picture, and God putting us in the right place at the right time, we are forever blessed.

About the Author: For the past four years, Elaine has worked in Dillon International's Heritage Education and Travel Programs Department helping other families celebrate the birth heritage of their internationally adopted children. She and her husband are presently in the process of adopting their third daughter, Kennedy Grace, from Vietnam

When I grow up...

I was born old and grew young. My family situation was not a good one so being the oldest of five girls I stepped into the mother role early. There really wasn't a childhood to speak of. No birthday parties, no friends over, fear. With all that said I still loved and respected my parents. That is why I find it very frustrating when I see kids and even adults who do not appreciate and respect their parents. May I make a suggestion? Love them and let them know it. When they are gone you will regret it if you don't. My mom and dad died when I was in my early 30's four years apart. As bad as our life was growing up I wish they were here so they could see that we survived, and our lives are good. That from each of them we received a gift/talent, that we are still close and we are strong women. I would tell them that I know their childhood sucked and that they were hurting and had no one to turn to like parents and kids do now. I would tell them not to feel bad all was forgiven a long time ago. So if you are blessed to have your parents around let them know you love them!
Now back to when I grow up. As the years go by I find myself growing younger.I don't fell my age and I sure don't act it! The more I trust God the more I want to enjoy every single minute of it. I don't want to miss one single opportunity He lays before me and through it all I want to glorify Him.
So when I grow up I want to be everything God wants me to be!

Love One Another

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! Ours was awesome. We were able to speak to all of our sons today. Dustin webcamed in and we took the lap top to the dinner table and he "joined" us for lunch! It was pretty cool. Like I said before I love technology! It was rainy and cloudy but remembering what Easter is all about brings a light into our lives like no other. When we arrived at church today Kennedy saw our pastor whom she adores and went running to him. He picked her up and he asked her if she knew why we celebrate Easter. She said because Jesus died on the cross for us. I am not sure what he asked her next, but the next thing I hear was "And He rose again!" He just looked at me and I was smiling. It is important that even though we give our kids Easter baskets that they know why we celebrate Easter. It is not about bunnies and egg hunts, it is because Jesus died for our sins we are promised eternal life with Him when we believe and invite Him into our hearts.
I have mentioned that I believe God has been speaking to my heart about adoption. During this time many things have been on my heart. I truly believe God is preparing us for "something" significant and it will have something to do with adoption in some way. My passion is sharing with others about adoption and hopefully through Hug Away help them with some of the financial barriers that comes along with the journey. Unfortunately, Hug Away is suffering. There is no money and none coming in. To be honest There are days I feel like Hug Aways days are numbered, but I hang onto the fact that God planted this dream in my heart and He has great plans for the foundation. So what does this have to do with us possibly adopting again? Everything. I think how in the world could we possibly do this again? Then I remember we serve an awesome God and if it is His desire it will happen as long as we have faith and trust in Him.
We have had people ask us why? Why did you adopt? Why international? Why if you don't have the money? Why pay all that money? How do you know the child will not have issues? Are you sure you can love them as your own? Here are some answers.
1.Adoption is about love. Love is the greatest commandment. God ask us to do "love one another." God adopted all who believe into His family. We are all His children. God places a desire in your heart to reach out to a child who needs a family, who needs to know someone loves them.
2. I believe where you adopt is something God lays on your heart. It is a tug that you can not deny.
3. No money. Faith.
4. All that money. Actually quite a bit of the money will go to the orphanages in the country to take care of the needs of the children who will not be adopted.
5. Issues. How do you know your birth children will not have issues? You don't. But you love them with all you have and are there for them when they need you.
6. Loving them. I have been blessed to give birth to 3 sons and adopt 3 daughters. I can honestly say that I love my children the same. It didn't matter if they were placed in my arms in the hospital or the airport, each time I thought my heart would bust because of my love for them. It's not about blood it is about heart.
Adopting our daughters revealed to me my purpose. Adoption. I often look at my daughters and think of each of their stories. They each have one you know. Their lives began at conception in another woman's womb. They were born in another country. They are Korean/American and Vietnamese/American. They are our daughters.